


three bedrooms, two and a half baths, one demon, one angel, three former baby lizards

by phinnia



Series: All God's Children [10]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 05:56:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phinnia/pseuds/phinnia
Summary: And so they move.  Because you can't keep three children in a flat in London.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: All God's Children [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533431
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	three bedrooms, two and a half baths, one demon, one angel, three former baby lizards

"We're going to have to buy a house." Crowley says, looking at the wreckage around his flat.

"Where?" Aziraphale was trying to figure out how some of the toys worked. A lot of them seemed to require batteries. How did human parents cope with all these batteries? He could just miracle it so they didn't need batteries, but human parents ... that wouldn't work for human parents. "What neighborhood were you thinking?"

"Oh, bloody fuck, I don't know." Crowley was already on the third refill of the bottle. "We need someplace with a yard, because Terry likes climbing everything. I mean _everything_, Angel. Literally. They were on top of that eagle ... thing over there." He waves his hand. "Satan knows how they got up there." 

"How did they manage to learn 'fuck' so awfully fast?" Aziraphale asks, his lips pursed.

"I said it _one time_, and they repeated it. One time." He sighs deeply. 

"We should probably take them out to Tadfield." Aziraphale says, pulling around the quacking row of ducks he'd bought with the string. "Let them get acquainted with the other children."

"Tadfield." Crowley sat up on one elbow. "Angel. You're brillant."

Adam was _intensely_ curious about who was moving into the three-bedroom house down the street. 

He was waiting for the rest of The Them to get done with their homework. That really just meant waiting for Brian to be done with his maths, and Brian took _forever_ with maths. 

"They've got a Land Rover, whoever that is." Pepper says, looking out the window next to Adam. "Looks like their expensive model with a lot of flash on it."

"And an awful lot of boxes." Wensleydale murmurs. "Brian, hurry up!"

"Done! I'm done!" Brian says, shoving his school things in his pack. "Come on, let's go see."

The Them ran down the street, Dog running in front of them, yipping and barking at birds and bugs and all the exciting things that dogs bark at. 

"Eve! Do not bite your brother!" 

"Hungry, daddy!"

"Crowley?" Adam says, confused. "Is that you?"

Crowley appears out of the back of the Land Rover, holding a little boy with red, curly hair that went all over the place. The boy is wearing a blue t-shirt that says 'Daddy's Little Angel' on it and black corduroy pants. He is wearing only one sock. (Aziraphale had bought the shirt strictly for the irony value.) 

"Is he yours?" Wensleydale asks.

"Duh." Pepper says. "Look at his eyes, 'course he is. Where d'he come from, that's the real question?"

Crowley sighs. "That's ... complicated. Look, I have to get them inside. D'you mind giving me a hand?"

"Do they have toys?" Brian asks. "What do they like doing?" 

"Terry likes climbing everything and talking back. Neil likes drawing, mostly on the walls."

"You should put paper up." Pepper says. "That's what my mum did, for my little sister, when she was drawing on the walls."

"No, we're trying to teach him that only paper on the floor is for drawing on. Slow process." Crowley sighs, collapsing in a heap on the floor. "And Eve likes telly and playing with blocks and destroying her block creations later. Fortunately, I have managed to teach them that loo water is not for drinking. That was a _very_ slow process. Neil! No putting chocolate biscuits in your hair!" 

"Terry's making chocolate fingermarks all over your glass door to the back yard." Wensleydale says.

"Oh, open the door, let them outside. I don't give a toss about fingermarks on the sodding door. Yes, I'm trying not to swear in front of them, yes it's very difficult, thank you."

"Hello?" An echoey voice travels through the house.

"Who's that?" Pepper asks.

"'S Michael. Better now than they were at the wedding, not nearly as much of a tosser now. They've got a friend now." Crowley says, making air quotes around the word 'friend'. "In here!"

Michael comes in, smiling. "I just came to return your boots."

"Cheeky liar." Crowley says. "You came to see the kids."

"Well, I also came to return your boots, so it was a partial truth." Michael drops a bag with the boots in it in front of Crowley. "Pravuli bought me new ones. I didn't get a chance to meet any of you at Crowley's nuptiuals."

Adam steps forward, his hand extended. "I'm Adam."

"Brian." 

"Pepper." 

"And I'm Wensleydale." He looks up from where he's teaching Eve a clapping game.

She swoops down and picks up Neil. "You must be Neil. Oh, you look _just_ like Crowley did when he was your age! Mum probably did that on purpose. Of course She did. Daddy's little angel." Michael looks at Crowley with a raised eyebrow. 

"Aziraphale picked it out." Crowley replies. "He's in London, loading up his books."

"I see, human irony."

"Are you wearing bisexual tartan on purpose?" Pepper asks curiously. 

"Yes! Crowley's very good at fashion. He helped me pick this new outfit."

"Oh, _bugger_." Crowley gets up and runs out back. "_Terry! Put your clothes back on and get back in our fucking yard!_"

"Oh, my." Michael says, laughing. "I wonder if this is a bad time to tell him I brought a present from Mum?"

"What is it?" Adam asks. Dog goes over to the window, and then starts making the most incredible fuss.

"It's Gabriel." 

"That idiot with the teeth?" Brian says.

"No, no." Michael chuckles. "There, outside. Probably sniffing everyone's -" She coughs politely. They look out the window to see a very large golden retriever bounding about.

Crowley comes back in with his arms full of laughing toddler covered from head to toe in mud.

"Mum sent you something." Michael says, trying very hard not to smile. "Left it outside."

"What is it?" Crowley asks.

"Oh, it's out there."

He looks out the window and starts cursing. "Oh, _fuck_, She sent the _fucking_ dog!"

"Fuck!" Terry shouts.

"I know!" Crowley shouts back. "I've asked you a hundred times not to say that word but you won't listen! Well, it was at least thirty-seven!"

That is the day that Michael finds out if you laugh hard enough, your human corporation ends up weeping with tears.


End file.
